"I'm Trying to Eat Myself"

The following is a 100% true story of an inmate that I had one time at my jail. Names have been changed and no confidential information will be disclosed. I hope you guys enjoy!

My nurse manager went into the booking room to make some copies of some forms one day when some inmates who had just returned from a court date entered the same booking room. They were wearing their orange suits and cuffs on their wrists and ankles. One inmate called out to her and started a conversation.

"Nurse! Can you come here please?"

My nurse manager walked over and said, "Hey John, what's going on?"

"I really need to see you in private."

"John you know that you need to put a sick call in for that. I'll get you a form and you can put in a sick call. Write down what's going on and I'll get you in as soon as I can."

"But it's an emergency."

"What kind of emergency John?"

"I'm trying to eat myself."

Of course, my nurse manager was completely shocked and informed the Sergeant on duty that this would be an emergency visit and to bring John into her office as soon as they got him un-cuffed. A few minutes later, he arrived in her office. She took his vital signs immediately and then sat down across from him taking notes on an emergency sick call form.

"Okay now John, what did you mean a few minutes ago by telling me that you're trying to eat yourself?"

John replied, "Well nurse, I'm trying to eat myself and it's not working out the way that I had planned and I decided that I might be in some trouble now. I wanted you to look and tell me what you think."

"What do you mean you are trying to eat yourself? What are you talking about John?"

John then told her the whole story. "A few years ago I saw this movie where a man was stranded in the woods. He was starving to death and couldn't find any food. He thought he was going to die so he took some string and tied it around his foot. His foot fell off in a couple of days and he ate his foot and didn't starve to death. A couple of months ago when I was going to court I found a rubber-band in the booking room and slipped it into my pocket. You know, jail food tastes like shit, and they really don't feed you enough here anyway. Well, I wasn't sure if my foot would taste that good either, so I decided I'd eat my toe first and if it tasted good, I'd do my foot next. I put the rubber-band around my little toe and thought it'd fall off in a couple of days like it did in the movie. But it never did. Now it's been like two months and I've tried to break it off, but STILL can't. I'd like it if you guys could help me get it off the rest of the way and I'd like to go ahead and eat it."

Naturally, my nurse manager and the guard who were present were in utter shock.

"John, can you show me your toe?"

John pulled off his shoe and sock and revealed his pinky toe. My nurse manager told me later that this was the first time in her nursing career that she was sickened to her stomach by something that she has encountered in nursing.

Well, needless to say, this inmate suffered from several mental illnesses. He is the only inmate that I have EVER been nervous around. It's not because I feared that he would try to physically assault me, but he was just really creepy and I always felt uneasy around him. He had been sent out a couple of times previously to mental institutions who got him on regular medication regimes recommended by a Psychiatrist, and then returned to our jail. He always took his medication, and seemed stable. Apparently he wasn't. He was sent to the local Emergency Room immediately and a few hours they sent him back. Surprisingly, they didn't take the rubber band off and instructed us not to.

When I arrived at work the day after he had came back from the ER, I got to examine his foot and do a dressing change. Our own Nurse Practitioner had advised us to do sterile dressing changes each day. At this point, his toe was completely Gangrenous. At the base of the toe where it connects to the foot, nothing was left but bone. On the tip of the toe some black, shriveled up skin, and pus was present. The gangrene had started moving up the outside part of his foot. The odor was horrific. I was truly afraid that his toe was going to fall off in my hand as the muscle was now gone and he no longer could move his own toe very well.

We sent him to an Orthopedic Surgeon to hopefully have the toe amputated. This surgeon refused him as a client, which is totally legal, and we had to search for another one who would treat him. We found one and got him in for an appointment immediately. The surgery was scheduled for a week away and we were to continue the daily dressing changes and continue the antibiotics which we had already started him on.

At some point during this one week waiting period, he decided that since he could not break his toe off, that he was going to turn it into a "shank". Inmates will often collect rather odd items that they feel can be sharpened into a "jail knife". These jail-made knives are referred to as shanks. A guard discovered him attempting to sharpen his toe on his cell wall and brought him down to the nursing station.

When asked what he was trying to do, John stated, "I'm trying to turn my toe into a shank. I can't break it off, and you guys tell me that I can't eat it, so I wanted to do something useful with it. He told me to make it into a shank".

I asked him, "Who told you to turn it into a shank?"

"Oscar told me to."

"John, who's Oscar."

"He's the terrorist from Latin America who lives inside of me. He's still alive, but he lives inside of me. He tells me to hurt people. You just watch, I'm going to stab someone with my toe and you'll be sorry that you didn't let me eat it."

LONG story slightly shorter, John finally had his toe amputated. The rest of the foot healed and was once again healthy. We found him another great Psychiatrist who has been working with him ever since he recovered from surgery. He was a little angry with us for a few days after his surgery because the doctor wouldn't let him have his toe and we wouldn't let him eat it but finally told us that he understood we were just trying to take care of him.

Oh how many more stories I have like this one! I've discovered that many people who end up in jails are mentally ill but for whatever reason don't seek treatment. They may not have insurance, money for out-of-pocket health care and medication costs, or may not even realize they have a treatable condition, and this can all lead to behavioral issues landing them in jail. Hope this didn't gross you out too much. As always, I hope you're all having a wonderful day!